Got Kibble?: My Orthodox Christmas Present was a trip to the Vet!

Today was Christmas Day for people in Melbourne who worship at the Russian Orthodox and Greek Orthodox Churches and so you would think I might get a special present but instead my Daddy took me to that nasty vet! I could tell something was up when Daddy shut the bathroom door last night and kept me away from my litter box 'cause he wanted my bladder full so that the doctor could take a urine sample, but I was having none of it so I stood outside the bathroom door and meowed and meowed and meowed and meowed and meowed and finally Daddy put together a special litter box with a fresh plastic liner and a tiny little bit of crystalline litter so I climbed into it and made a big huge pee and as soon as I stepped out Daddy took a syringe and took some of my urine but all he had to put it in was a taco sauce jar that he washed in the sink and I thought that was funny.

And when Daddy brought out the cat carrier I REFUSED to go in it so Daddy had to push me into it and then we walked to the tram stop and I meowed and meowed and meowed and meowed but I felt better when we were on the tram and didn't make a sound then. The tram went past the Greek Orthodox Church and we saw a whole bunch of people on the steps getting ready for a Christmas service.

But when we got to the vet I knew I was in for it because I could hear two or three dogs whining in the exam room, and when I got in the first thing the doctor did was pin me down and shave the base of my tail with those noisy clippers and wrap that cold blood-pressure strap around my tail but he realized he hadn't shaved off enough so he turned on those noisy clippers AGAIN and shaved off MORE hair and then the strap squeezed and squeezed my tail and I hated it and another doctor was holding me and I was so scared that I hid my face in her elbow. And my poor tail, I have SHAME again and it looks like this:

And then the doctor dumped me on a scale and I weighed 6.34 kilos (which is almost 14 pounds) and then he stuck a stethoscope against my chest to listen to my heartbeat, then he pried open my mouth to check my teeth and stuck a Q-tip inside to scrape tartar and I HATED it, and then he took those noisy clippers again and shaved my chin and took a sharp needle and drew a blood sample, and now I have SHAME on my chin and it looks like this:

And then the final indignity was the thermometer in my kitty bum to take my temperature, then FINALLY he let me go. And while Daddy put me back in my cage, they checked my urine sample and it was still a little diluted (which is why I eat special kidney diet food) but better than 3 months ago which means the special food is working. And the doctor said my blood pressure was perfect which means the Norvasc pills are working so I have to keep taking them (yuchh!) but I didn't care, I just wanted to go HOME! So now I'm home and I'm going to lick myself all over and get my fur back into the right place: