I'm sitting here in the sun in the stairwell enjoying the rainbows on the walls made by my Daddy's Austrian crystals, and I'm trying to get myself as far away from the kitchen as possible because there's been a lot of drama here at home ever since a CREATURE showed up in the kitchen week ago. When I first saw it, I ran into the living room where Daddy and Uncle Kevin were sitting and my tail was all poofed up and I meowed and meowed and said, 'hey guys, there's a strange creature I've never seen before!" but neither of them understood what I was saying but they thought I was just nuts. But finally a few days ago Uncle Kevin was working on the computer and he saw the creature and told me to go catch it, and he said it was called a "mouse" and I have never seen one before because I'm an indoor cat and was raised by people ever since I was born and THAT MOUSE SCARES ME! It looks a lot like my furry toys, but it moves! And it's tiny and black and furry like me but it has a scary thin tail and it zooms around the floor whenever someone sees it, and I can smell it but I don't know what to do with it! And ever since Daddy found out there was a mouse in the house, he keeps teasing me and says "Catch the mouse, Oscar! Go get that mouse!" but I don't know what to do! And this morning the mouse came into the living room and scampered under the couch and Daddy freaked because he's scared of mice too, but I don't know what to do with this mouse!
Meanwhile I'm enjoying being a healthy senior cat, and I went to that nasty vet last week (a couple of days before I first saw that mouse), but it wasn't nearly as bad as it usually it because the doctor had a new blood pressure machine that doesn't go around my tail, so they didn't have to shave my tail and give me shame like before. This time he wrapped something around my front paw and pressed a button and the thing squeezed me, but it didn't hurt, and at least he didn't have to use those noisy clippers and shave the base of my tail! But even so, I knew what was coming next, and sure enough he poked and prodded and looked at my teeth and stuck a thermometer up my little kitty butt and stuck a needle in my bladder to take a urine sample, and all that nonsense. But the good news is that my blood pressure is perfect, and my urine is the same as it was last time (meaning that my kidney diet food is maintaining me), and my weight is the same as it was last time, and my temperature was normal, and I guess that means I'm in good health and will live a long long time. So why should I bother expending my energy on chasing a little mouse? (Besides, he scares me...)